


You're Making Me Moist

by crackficswithfriends



Series: crack fanfictions mmmhmmm [3]
Category: Fullmetal Alchemist - All Media Types
Genre: Crack, M/M, dog walker au, the fuck is this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-12
Updated: 2017-03-12
Packaged: 2018-10-02 23:33:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 423
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10230443
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/crackficswithfriends/pseuds/crackficswithfriends
Summary: Two dog walkers meet by fate, and some shit ensues.





	

**Author's Note:**

> codenames ash and misty had no idea what they were doing because they know nothing about fma.

A - 8 billion yrs old, in hueg thing that caused destruction of the world except him, immortal? Has 43567890 ghosts in his body. Hoenhiem

B - dog, Den

C - starts off as pure precious kid (plot twist: EVIL), basically made of shadows, emo 8yr old, reborn w/ nipple on his head

D - v big and buff, looks like he could beat the shit outta u but actually a cinnamon roll + sparkly nice. Alexander Loius Armstrong

E - dog 2.0, police dog!!!!, rly hates emo 2 the extremo. Black Hyate

F - smol girl (also small), 6, chills w/ 2 mains for a year, then is fused with her dog

G - older sister 2 sparkly, BADASS AF, half the size of bro but could kick his ass, very cold and i love her

H - palm tree, kills a lot of ppl, actually a worm, is killed in fire

I - part of the people who are not like the whites, x scar on face, likes exploding heads and he joins Good Guys™ 

J - smol angry bean, doesnt have an arm and a leg, is a Shit Older Brother but loves younger bro anyway

K - the smollest of the smol, literally a suit of armour, likes cats A Lot, is younger bro

  
  


“You fuck dog, stop eating grass you dumbass.” Hoenhiem pulled at the leash of Den the dumbass dog.

 

“Hey, whoa! Chillax bud.” Alexander Louis Armstrong was a Perfect Dog Walker Police Guy™.

 

“I’m not your bud, pal.” Hoenhiem yanked on Den’s leash again, then sighed and disregarded the dog mostly completely.

 

“I’m not your  _ pal _ , friend.”

 

Black Hyate ran towards Den and Alexander Louis Armstrong dropped the dog’s leash.

 

“What are you doing motherfucker!!!!!!!”

 

Den ignored the grass in favour of the new doggo. They sniffed around each other for a while, then began eating grass, together this time.

 

“Bitch!” Hoenhiem wailed. “I don’t want that dumbass eating gtrass dumbass!!!!!!”

 

“Maybe  _ you _ should eat some grass, you salty animal,” Alexander Louis Armstrong suggested.

 

“Well, maybe  _ you should eat my ass _ !”

 

They both paused, suddenly Turned Gay™ by the idea of it.

 

“Yeah, okay,” Alexander Louis Armstrong said lustily.

 

“You’re making me moist,” Hoenhiem moaned.

 

Suddenly, Den borked (v cute, v smol) and the Gay seemed to vanish in thin air.

 

In embarrassment, the two turned back to their dogs.

 

“Maybe another time,” Hoenhiem muttered, going to colelct his dog.

 

“Yaaaaaaaasssssssss.” Alexander Louis Armstrong agreed. 

  
The police officer and the philosopher stud * _ cough _ * I meant  _ stone _ * _ cough _ * exchanged phone numbers before turning and going their separate ways.


End file.
